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Video transcript

 Hello, welcome to Chayn’s deep dive on technology-facilitated gender-based violence. I’m Carolina.

 And I’m Francesca. Carolina and I both come to Chayn from frontline survivor support — Carolina has done a lot of really varied work in migrant justice and in the arts space, and I have supported many survivors of sexual violence while working in the Rape Crisis movement in the UK.

 We have conversations about tech abuse here at Chayn because we create digital services, resources and guides for survivors of gender-based violence, wherever you are in the world. We know that online can be a place where harm happens , but we know it can also be a place for healing.

 Today, we’re going to talk about a tech abuse case we covered in our research paper called Orbits. Orbits is a project we ran with some partners to show charities and government organisations just how common and widespread tech abuse really is. You can read the full research paper on

 One of our contributors, Huma, shared her story with us during Orbits, and we found it really relatable. We feel it’s a good way to start off a discussion about tech abuse—how it works, how it affects us emotionally, and what we can do to start healing. By discussing Huma's experience, we can understand how tech can be used to control and manipulate, and explore ways to regain our power and move on.

 Just a content note that we’ll be discussing details of tech abuse and domestic violence in this conversation, so we invite you to take as much care as you need, and pause or stop listening wherever you like. If anytime you need to ground in the present moment, we have lots of different grounding exercises over on our trauma support platform, Bloom.

 Today we want to share Huma's story. Huma is a fictional name, but her experience and her story is real.

 So Huma was 20 years old when she got married in Pakistan. Right after the wedding, her husband’s controlling behavior started creeping in. She wasn’t allowed to pursue her education, or visit her parents and relatives, especially male cousins. A year into her marriage, Huma had her first son. Her husband and mother-in-law continuously reprimanded her for not being a good mother, and falsely accused her of neglecting their son. Meanwhile, her husband wouldn’t sleep in the same room to avoid the noise of their baby.

A year later, the family moved to Saudi Arabia where the abuse also escalated to physical violence. Eventually, the husband began to abuse her using technology, which became one of his central methods of control. Then 5 years into their marriage they moved to the US where the use of technology to monitor and manipulate Huma has increased.

 It's important to highlight that Huma is a Pakistani woman living outside of her birth country. We understand that the migration process can often be traumatic and can increase vulnerability, particularly for women. Factors like isolation, not having a support network, not understanding the system, limited access to services, cultural differences, and language barriers all make migrant women more at risk of abuse. So we’d like to invite you to listen to Huma’s story, looking at it through the lens of the migrant experience.

 What makes Huma’s case really relevant to this conversation is how her husband used technology to control and monitor her. On a trip to Pakistan, he accused Huma of having sex with another man in her room. When Huma denied this, explaining that there were no other men in the home aside from his brother, he revealed he had downloaded an app on their son’s iPad, which let him detect sounds in the house. Though Huma managed to diffuse the situation, it was something he would bring up repeatedly over the years.

But it didn’t stop with just sound—when the family was living in the United States, he also put hidden cameras in their kitchen, which Huma didn’t even know about at the time.

 And that wasn’t the end of it. During arguments, he would record her with his phone— without her consent. He even set up what she thought was a normal humidifier in the house, but then she searched the model online and discovered that it was actually a spy camera.

 And the thing is, whenever she confronted him about it, he had these excuses ready. He'd say it was all for "security" or to protect the house - which is very common with abusers - to claim that what they’re doing protects someone (even the survivor). But when she pressed him, he eventually admitted that he was recording her because he claimed 

 was abusing their son—which, of course, was just another manipulation tactic.

 Yeah, he was twisting the narrative completely. He made it sound like he was a victim here. And what’s worse is that he told her he had deleted those videos, but that wasn’t the case at all.

: Right, and Huma only found this out once she had filed for divorce—a massive thing in of itself—after the police and Child Protection Services (CPS) got involved with the family. Huma's husband told them that Huma had hit him and harmed their child. And when they went to court, Huma was hit with this bombshell—her husband presented 23 secret videos as evidence. Videos that were taken from cameras she didn’t even know existed! Can you imagine that moment? Realising the surveillance went way deeper than you ever thought?

 It’s horrifying. And also shows how recordings can be taken completely out of context. Huma and her husband would speak in Urdu with each other, but when he was recording her with his phone during arguments, he would narrate his videos in English, saying that she was abusing the baby. He was able to control the narrative because he was controlling all of the surveillance.

: Huma’s story really shows just how pervasive tech abuse can be. Technology gives abusers new ways to control and manipulate their victim-survivors. And the reality is, a lot of the time, the survivors don’t even realise they’re being monitored.

 Exactly! Modern technology is giving abusers more and more ways to stalk, control, and manipulate us, often using the same devices we rely on every day. Even frontline organizations supporting survivors in the UK have noticed that more people, especially women, have being harassed or stalked through multiple online platforms, including social media, fitness apps, online shopping accounts, online takeaway platforms, and more.

 There's also been an increase in the use of something called stalkerware—a type of software or app that secretly monitors a device to track someone's activity—as well as tracking devices to invade survivors' privacy.

 Even smart home devices are being misused to control women at home. In some cases, abusers hack into children’s devices to track their partner’s location or access their personal information.

 Yeah, and it’s a reminder that tech abuse is real and can happen to anyone. Everyday devices—iPads, phones, even humidifiers—are being turned into tools for control. It’s not just sci-fi paranoia; this is happening in homes all over the world.

 And that’s why it’s so important to talk about this, to spread awareness and provide much-needed support to each other. Because the more people know, the more we can start looking for signs and protecting those who might be going through something similar.

 What makes this even scarier is that tech abuse usually doesn’t happen in isolation—it’s often just one part of a larger pattern of controlling behaviour. Many women who experience tech abuse are also dealing with physical, emotional, or financial abuse, making it even harder for them to escape these toxic situations.

 We understand how painful and overwhelming it can feel when everyday tech is turned against us by someone we trust—these are objects, devices and websites we probably use every single day. We deserve to feel safe when we're using them. Privacy is a fundamental thing we are all entitled to. Just because we're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean we have to share everything with them—including what's on our devices or our technology use.

 Abuse is never the survivor’s fault, and we don’t have to go through it alone—there are people and resources ready to support us.

 You know, what really got to me in Huma's story is how she started to believe in her husband's false accusations. It's heartbreaking, but it’s also something a lot of people go through—being manipulated into thinking 

 the problem in a relationship. Emotional abuse can seriously mess with our reality and make us doubt ourselves, even when we’ve done nothing wrong.

 Totally. Huma’s husband kept accusing her of abusing their son, and that became his excuse for everything—like hiding cameras around the house and recording her during arguments. He even went as far as telling her she was bipolar and joked about uploading videos of her onto YouTube. He also said he put a secret camera in the kitchen because he thought she was poisoning their food.

Huma eventually said that the manipulation was so strong, she started to believe she might actually be hurting her child, even though she wasn’t.

 It's really important to talk about how hard it can be to spot when someone is being controlling or manipulative, especially when it's someone we trust, like a partner. And it’s not just romantic relationships—friends, family, or even coworkers can gaslight us too, making us doubt ourselves or believe things that aren’t true. Gaslighting is when someone messes with our head to make us question our own reality, so we start doubting our feelings and memories. This makes it harder to leave the abusive situation and we might even defend the abusers’ actions to others.

 If you’ve been gaslit, just know it’s not your fault, you’re not going crazy, and there’s hope. You can get support to get through it.

 A manipulative person, and in Huma’s case, her husband, knows how to push our buttons. Despite how certain we are, somehow they can make us question ourselves. We may feel like someone is trying to ****control us, make us doubt ourselves, or force us into situations we really don’t want to be in.

 For example,Huma trusted him when he said he had deleted the videos he recorded during arguments. She said that throughout their marriage, she trusted him on everything he said.

Then he would threaten her with the thing she held most dear—her children. He’d say things like: “Please be very careful. I have a library full of your videos. You will lose these children. These children will go to a foster home. You are an abusive mother. I’ve got you on camera where you are abusing the children. I am going to show these videos to everyone.”

 What really angers me in situations like this is the deliberate cruelty. For example, during an argument, they might push us to the point where we either lose control or break down emotionally. In that moment of vulnerability that 

 created, they pull out their phone and start recording. It’s such a calculated violation, using that moment against us. Then they use the recording to control us further and to justify their actions to third parties.

Manipulators know us so well—our soft spots, our triggers—and they choose to use that knowledge to control and hurt us even more. When a survivor is dealing with mental health issues or recovering from trauma for example, the abuser knows it, and still, they decide to exploit those vulnerabilities. This is not about love or connection—it’s purely about maintaining power and control.

 guide, we go through some points that can help us recognise manipulative behaviours so we can better identify and explain what’s happening to us.

We go through some of the most common tactics manipulators use to maintain control but I’d like to highlight two of these tactics that are designed to create a distorted reality that benefits the abuser, while leaving the survivor isolated and questioning their own experiences.

 It's important to say that we are all at risk of being controlled, regardless of our gender identity, sexual orientation, race, age, class, or any other characteristic. Manipulation isn’t just mean; it’s abuse. And here’s the most important thing—abuse is never the survivor’s fault.

 Exactly. So, let's go back to Huma. As we talked about, Huma’s husband got the police and Child Protection Services (CPS) involved. After this, he then fled with their older son, leaving Huma fighting to regain custody. During the legal proceedings, her husband presented 23 hidden camera videos as evidence, showing Huma in what 

 aggressive moments with her children. When the videos were played in the courtroom, Huma realised that no one blamed her.

 Imagine the relief…after a two-month investigation, the CPS ultimately found no evidence that Huma was abusing her children. The court’s attorney supported Huma, asking the husband: ‘How dare you record your wife in front of your children? How dare you do that?’

 After everything against Huma was dropped, and a 40-page report was produced that was completely in favour of her, her older son was returned to her.

 Even though Huma was cleared of any wrongdoing against her children and is now able to have a relationship with them, her experience with her abuser has not ended. After their divorce, Huma now has shared custody of her children, so she has to keep interacting with her ex-husband.

 Yes, and he continues to make threats about taking the children away and records everything to prove that he is a good father. He has cameras installed in his home so constant surveillance is now a norm for their children. Huma is also, understandably, very distrustful of the police and legal authorities.

 We found Huma’s story so sad and really terrifying. Huma has worked with a therapist to learn some strategies to help her with communicating with her ex-husband, and it’s absolutely incredible that she was able to file for divorce and move out of the home.

: Despite the heartbreaking situations Huma had to go through, for us at Chayn it is important to find hope and measures to keep us safe, both emotionally and physically.

At Chayn, we also believe it’s crucial to understand that technology itself isn’t the issue; it’s how people misuse it for abuse. In fact, technology can work in our favour, too. For instance, recording arguments with a partner can help us validate our experiences, allowing us to listen back and recognise if we were being gaslit, for example.

 Yh, and there are also resources that can help us to be safer in our digital lives, and help us to review and change our permissions and settings on our apps and our devices.

 There’s a really great resource from a UK organisation called Refuge that we’ll link with this conversation. We think that the most important thing is to learn about tech tools that can help keep us safe, so that we feel empowered and confident with our technology—and know that it can help us, especially when it has harmed us.

 The more people are aware, the more we can identify the signs and support those who may be going through a similar experience.

 Carolina, shall we do a couple of quick breaths to help us ground before we go about our day?

 If you find this conversation on types of tech abuse useful, please share it within your network. Knowledge is power. Thank you for listening, until next time. Bye

We follow the story of Huma, who was filmed, tracked, and recorded by her husband using everyday devices in their home. When does our use of technology in relationships cross a line? We explore how abusers can control and manipulate our reality with tech.

Crossing the line: How technology turns into a tool of control

Discover Huma’s story of being tracked and recorded by her husband using everyday devices. Explore how technology can enable manipulation and abuse

Crossing the line: How technology turns into a tool of control

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